Shitty Cooking

Anonymous asked: How do you make the cheese so square?!

I slice it with karate chops

1) Be sad
2) Eat peanut butter because your life is in shambles

1) Be sad

2) Eat peanut butter because your life is in shambles

1) Bring your water to a boil
2) Bring a new pot of water to a boil because you forgot about the last one
3) Dump a lot of pasta in there
4) When it’s done, put new water in it and boil it
5) Dump an arbitrary amount of rice in
6) Dump taco seasoning in while the rice is cooking
7) Remember you’ve never cooked rice before and check it every 2 minutes
8) Eat semi crunchy rice because you got impatient
9) Make tea
10) Ponder your poor choice in dinner

1) Bring your water to a boil

2) Bring a new pot of water to a boil because you forgot about the last one

3) Dump a lot of pasta in there

4) When it’s done, put new water in it and boil it

5) Dump an arbitrary amount of rice in

6) Dump taco seasoning in while the rice is cooking

7) Remember you’ve never cooked rice before and check it every 2 minutes

8) Eat semi crunchy rice because you got impatient

9) Make tea

10) Ponder your poor choice in dinner

Beef and stuff inside shells
1) Cook ground beef
2) Add a packet of old taco seasoning because you forgot to actually cook it
3) Put it in a big bowl
4) Decide you want it in shells instead
5) Boil the shells
6) Realize just beef would be bad
7) Add salsa and cheese into the ground beef and stir it up
8) Put in the shells
9) Be too lazy to bake the shells so you just dip them in sour cream

Beef and stuff inside shells

1) Cook ground beef

2) Add a packet of old taco seasoning because you forgot to actually cook it

3) Put it in a big bowl

4) Decide you want it in shells instead

5) Boil the shells

6) Realize just beef would be bad

7) Add salsa and cheese into the ground beef and stir it up

8) Put in the shells

9) Be too lazy to bake the shells so you just dip them in sour cream

This is called Taco Pizza Bites
1) Buy a ball of dough because, let’s face it, you’re too lazy to make you’re own. Then, you will need a pound of ground beef, american cheese, and taco seasoning.
2) First, take a pan and cook your pound of ground beef in it. Cook it on about 350 so it cooks evenly. Stir in your taco season for ultimate sub par flavor.
3) Roll your dough out like you’re going to make a pizza but instead of spreading it out like a pizza dough, you’re going to cut it into squares about 3 by 3 inches.
4) Put enough ground beef in the center of this square so that it’s a good beef to dough ratio.
5) You can either add the cheese inside now or wait and put it on the outside. I like doing both.
6) Fold it over like it’s a ravioli and crimp it shut.
7) Put them in a pan and bake them in the over for about 8 minutes at 350.

This is called Taco Pizza Bites

1) Buy a ball of dough because, let’s face it, you’re too lazy to make you’re own. Then, you will need a pound of ground beef, american cheese, and taco seasoning.

2) First, take a pan and cook your pound of ground beef in it. Cook it on about 350 so it cooks evenly. Stir in your taco season for ultimate sub par flavor.

3) Roll your dough out like you’re going to make a pizza but instead of spreading it out like a pizza dough, you’re going to cut it into squares about 3 by 3 inches.

4) Put enough ground beef in the center of this square so that it’s a good beef to dough ratio.

5) You can either add the cheese inside now or wait and put it on the outside. I like doing both.

6) Fold it over like it’s a ravioli and crimp it shut.

7) Put them in a pan and bake them in the over for about 8 minutes at 350.

This one is called Just Cheese
1) Yep

This one is called Just Cheese

1) Yep

This one is called Fried Potatoes and Chicken.
1) You’re going to need a big of miniature potatoes and some precooked chicken. I actually cooked this chicken but chances are, if you’re reading this blog, you’re not going to actually cook chicken.
2) Fill a pan with about half an inch of olive oil and set it to 425F
3) Once it gets to that temperature, dump all of those potatoes in.
4) Stir the whole thing and flip them a few times every 30 or 45 seconds.
5) After about 6 or 7 minutes, you should have some nice, crispy, fried potato half ball things.
6) Put them on a plate and mix up those chicken bits in there
7) Add some cheese if you want.

This one is called Fried Potatoes and Chicken.

1) You’re going to need a big of miniature potatoes and some precooked chicken. I actually cooked this chicken but chances are, if you’re reading this blog, you’re not going to actually cook chicken.

2) Fill a pan with about half an inch of olive oil and set it to 425F

3) Once it gets to that temperature, dump all of those potatoes in.

4) Stir the whole thing and flip them a few times every 30 or 45 seconds.

5) After about 6 or 7 minutes, you should have some nice, crispy, fried potato half ball things.

6) Put them on a plate and mix up those chicken bits in there

7) Add some cheese if you want.

This one is called Chinese Delight. 1) Preheat your oven to 350F
2) Forget you’re cooking because you’re drunk
3) Order chinese food
4) Have your buddy drive you because you’re responsible
5) Bring it home
6) Forget about it on the counter while you play DotA
7) Dump it on a plate

This one is called Chinese Delight. 

1) Preheat your oven to 350F

2) Forget you’re cooking because you’re drunk

3) Order chinese food

4) Have your buddy drive you because you’re responsible

5) Bring it home

6) Forget about it on the counter while you play DotA

7) Dump it on a plate

This is called Ants on a Log.
1) Buy some fresh celery, peanut butter and raisins. Cream cheese also works too.
2) Cut off the ends of the celery so you’re just left with the middle part.
3) Spread as much peanut butter or cream cheese as you want because you live on you’re own and you don’t live by anyone’s rules.
4) Evenly distribute the raisins on the peanut butter or cream cheese (or don’t. Once again, you’re an independent person who does whatever they want).

This is called Ants on a Log.

1) Buy some fresh celery, peanut butter and raisins. Cream cheese also works too.

2) Cut off the ends of the celery so you’re just left with the middle part.

3) Spread as much peanut butter or cream cheese as you want because you live on you’re own and you don’t live by anyone’s rules.

4) Evenly distribute the raisins on the peanut butter or cream cheese (or don’t. Once again, you’re an independent person who does whatever they want).

This one is called Frozen Gogurt
1) Buy gogurts
2) Hold them in the freezer until they’re frozen. Make sure to maintain a firm grip
3) Find a reasonably sized knife to carefully slice off the top. A 6” blade should do.
4) Serve on a plate

This one is called Frozen Gogurt

1) Buy gogurts

2) Hold them in the freezer until they’re frozen. Make sure to maintain a firm grip

3) Find a reasonably sized knife to carefully slice off the top. A 6” blade should do.

4) Serve on a plate